How Will I Ever Live Without You?
by S0utHxofxN0wHerE
Summary: ashley's dead and spencer's world is falling apart.
1. Chapter 1

a/n: This is my first fanfiction so I'm am sorry if it is not very good, but i wanted to give it a try. Anyway, it is a South of Nowhere fanfiction and I do not own any of the characters. Let me know what you think!

A single tear ran down my cheek as I looked down into the coffin at the only person I had ever been in love with. Another tear followed it as I thought about how much she had changed my life, how much better she had made it. I smiled as I remembered all the good times we had together. And I began to sob at the thought of never having anymore. I was alone now, the last one left saying goodbye. I just couldn't leave because once I did; I knew I could never see her beautiful face again. Maybe in pictures, but that couldn't come close to the real thing.

After about an hour my mother came back in and told me we had to leave and that I was taking a ridiculous amount of time to pay my last respects. It almost made me laugh to think that my mother still hated Ashley, even though she was dead. I placed one last kiss on her cold lips and touched her cheek for the last time before my mother dragged me out of the church.

The car ride home was deadly silent as no one was quite sure what to say to me. After all, what do you say to someone who has lost the love of their life? Clay hugged me and tried to tell me it would be okay, but I wasn't sure if I would even be able to make it through the rest of the day. In fact, I don't know how I made it through the two days since she passed away.

I remember the phone call with Kyla:

_"Spencer its Kyla. I am so sorry, but I have some bad news. Ashley is in the hospital. She was in an accident."_

_"Oh my gosh. Is she okay?"_

_"She's in a coma and the doctors don't know if she is going to make it."_

I had rushed to the hospital as soon as I could, still in shock of it all. I never expected anything bad to ever happen to Ashley. I sat with her for the whole night, praying that she would wake up. Ashley was a fighter; everyone knew that, and I knew she would pull through. I can't even count the number of times I told her that I loved her that night. But the next morning, she stopped breathing. At first, I was angry with her for leaving me all alone and I remember pounding the bed and screaming: _"How could you do this to me?"_ Aiden arrived a few minutes into my fit and held me in his arms as I cried for hours. He drove me home and somehow I made it to the funeral today.

My dad pulled the car into the driveway and turned off the ignition. Mom, Glen, and Clay went into the house quietly leaving my dad to help me out of the car and to the living room. I could barely walk on my own and had to lean on him for support. A few minutes after I got settled on the couch, the phone rang. It was only a few feet from where I was sitting, but Clay got up and walked across the room to answer it. It turned out to be Kyla who wanted some company. Clay told her that I would be right over and Glen drove me to her house; Ashley's house.

I knocked on the door and when I got inside it seemed so big and empty. I guess Ashley's spirit had always filled the space. Kyla and I sat on Ashley's bed and cried in each other's arms. Eventually, we wore ourselves out and fell asleep.

I woke up a few hours later alone and automatically called out Ashley's name. She didn't answer me so I figured she was in the kitchen getting something to eat, but she wasn't there either. I bumped into Kyla in the hallway and asked her where Ashley was. She sat me down and quietly reminded me that Ashley was gone. "She can't be," I shouted and continued calling out her name. I was in denial and despite Kyla's desperate attempts to convince me, I just couldn't believe her. Ashley, my Ashley, was not dead I could still feel her arms around me from the last time we hugged. I could still feel her soft lips on mine from the last time we kissed. Then, the image of her cold lifeless body lying in the coffin flashed before my eyes and I was slapped in the face with reality. After another round of sobs with Kyla I knew I needed to get out of that house because every corner of it was filled with memories. Memories that I just couldn't handle.

Aiden came and picked me up; he always was a good friend. I got into his car and he smiled at me, but when I looked into his eyes, I didn't see the Aiden I knew; I saw instead a sad, lost, heart broken one. I thought about it and realized that Aiden had probably been closer to Ashley than anyone else. Yes, I lost my love, but Aiden- he lost his love, his "sister", his best friend, his everything. Suddenly, I felt horrible for not even asking him how he was doing or bothering to talk to him about what was going through his mind. Yet, at the same time, I couldn't find the right words to say so we just drove.

We ended up at the beach and I had an urge to go to the special spot under the pier that Ashley and I shared. I wondered if Ashley would mind it if I brought Aiden there. I decided she wouldn't, grabbed his hand, pulled him there and waited for him to plop down in the sand next to me. We sighed in unison and stared into the ocean. It felt so lonely without Ashley next to us. Quietly, Aiden spoke, "So, what are you doing this weekend?" Instantly, I flashed back to the day at school when I was still unsure about liking girls and Aiden had asked me out. He continued repeating the scene, "You and Ash don't have some wet and wild plans to conquer West Hollywood?"

A tear rolled down my cheek as I said my line, "Not yet. Maybe I'm waiting for a better offer." I closed my eyes and quietly mumbled something new, "Or maybe, I will be visiting the grave of my best friend."

Without looking at me, Aiden asked, "Can I come?"

"Yes," I told him. Now it is final, I really have to go and see her grave. I really have to go and accept the fact that she is never coming back. I really have to say goodbye and let go…


	2. Chapter 2

a/n: heres a little more...its kind of short...by the way- if you want to know what is going to happen to Spencer you will just have to keep reading

...but I can't.

Her tombstone is so bare. Her mother didn't even care enough to have a message inscribed. All it says is "Ashley Davies 1989-2006". That's just how her mom is though, rude, selfish, and uncaring. I don't know of any mother that would actually be _happy_ at their daughter's funeral, but Ashley's mom was. The whole time she went around greeting people and telling them to "cheer up". She carried the biggest smile i have ever seen; I think it had something to do with the fact that she would recieve Ashley's half of her dad's money. Anyway, no matter the circumstances, it is still so hard to see the tombstone and know that Ashley's body is burried in the small space underneath it.

I look over at Aiden, who is with me because I promised he could come. Both of us try hard to smile, but neither of us can manage it. As i slip my hand into his, he squeezes it to try to reassure me that things will turn out okay, but I don't know how long I will be able to handle the grief and pain filling my heart more with each passing day. I lean my head onto his shoulder, and for a while we just stand there looking at the flowers we brought and remembering our own special memories of Ashley. I was so caught up in my thoughts that i didn't notice the tears that soaked my face until Aiden wiped them away.

After four hours sitting by Ashley's grave in silence, the cemetary groundskeeper came over to see if we were okay and I had to refrain myself from saying, "I am visiting my girlfriends grave...do you think I am okay?" He continued to stare at us for a while so Aiden and I gave up and left for the day. We went back to his house to hang out, but ended up not doing much anyway. I told him I had to be home for dinner though I knew my mother wouldn't have minded had I told her I was with Aiden.

When I got home I went straight to my room and fell asleep. Later on, my mom came in and woke me up to tell me about some "wonderful news" which, in reality sucks. She wants us to go on a family vacation to "get away from it all and spend time as a family". The only good part is that Glen, Clay, and I are each allowed to bring one friend. Before the accident, I would have chosen Ashley without even thinking about it, but now that she is gone, I don't really have anyone. I know Clay will bring Chelsea, Glen will probably bring Madison, as for me well, the only person I can think of is Aiden. I picked up the phone to call him and ask right away.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Aiden, it's Spencer."

"Hey Spencer. What's going on?"

"Well, my mom planned this family vacation and said I could bring a friend so I was wondering if you want to go..."

"Sure, where are we going?"

"Hawaii and we are leaving the day after tomorrow."

"Cool. So I'll be at your house at eight that morning?"

"Perfect. See you then. Oh and Aiden?"

"Yah?"

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For everything you have done for me these past few days."

"No problem. See you later Spence."

"Yah, bye."

After I hung up the phone, I went to tell my mom Aiden was set to come, but froze when I heard that she was on the phone with someone. I listened to her end of the conversation which included flirting and I love you's with someone who couldn't possibly be my dad since he was upstairs. Finally, I got my answer when she mumbled "goodbye Ben". It shocked me that she was cheating on dad again. I guess she had just taken a break while things settled down. I walked into the kitchen just as she was hanging up the phone and told her in a fake cheery voice that Aiden was coming to Hawaii with us. She seemed overjoyed and I couldn't take it so I left. I just walked out of the house and started walking down the street. Before I knew it I had reached Ashley's house where I sat down on the sidewalk and cried. My dad found me sitting there just like that about an hour later. He said they had all been so worried about me, but I honestly couldn't have cared less. I hurt so much that I was numb and the only thing on my mind was Ashley and the looming question of how I would ever live without her.

I was confused when my mom woke me up at six thirty the next day because eventhough it was a Wednesday, I hadn't gone to school since the accident happened. I pleaded to stay home but she told me that I had to go and get all the make-up work and the work for the next two weeks because we would be on vacation. School was hard with everyone starring at me, whispering about Ashley and asking if I was okay. The only comfort I had was Aiden so I clung to him pretty tight for the whole day. Despite the fact that it was hard to face everyone again, the two days before our vacation went fairly quickly and I was actually a little excited about going to Hawaii. And it is good that I had something to look forward to and be happy about. Right?

Aiden arrived at my house at 8 o'clock sharp and in under half an hour we were headed to the airport to catch our plane. After four hours, we had checked into the hotel and were getting settled into our rooms. The bunking arrangements went like this: Mom and Dad, Clay and Glen, Madison and Chelsea, and me and Aiden. Could my mom have been any more obvious that she wanted us to get together? It was okay with me though because at least I wouldn't have to spend two weeks in a room with Madison. Once we all unpacked everyone headed to the pool. We all had a blast splashing each other and dancing to the music playing. For the first time in a while, I laughed. It sounded strange even to myself because I hadn't done it in forever, but it felt good too because it meant that for a few seconds, I wasn't sad.

The two weeks flew by and it felt like everything was going to be okay after all. One great thing that came of ithe vacation was my friendship with Aiden. We became inseparable best friends and I loved knowing he was there for me and understood what I was going through. Our first day back to school was just a little easier this time around because the pain wasn't quite as fresh and we had each other to lean on even more. Over the next few weeks, Aiden and I used each other to fill Ashley's place and get better. We had a special bond that formed; it could only grow stronger and bigger. That is until he dropped a bomb on my life...


End file.
